Do you think sheep know when you’re pulling the wool over their eyes?

It could be worse — it could be raining.

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

Excuse me, I have to recharge my flamethrower.

FOOT: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

HEALTH: The slowest possible rate of dying.

KARAOKE: A Japanese word meaning tone deaf.

PHILOSOPHY: A study that lets us be unhappy more intelligently.

POVERTY: Having too much month left at the end of the money.

SLEEP: A poor substitute for caffeine.

SLEEP: That fleeting moment just before the alarm goes off.

SUSHI: Known to the rest of the world as ‘Bait’.

Research shows that nine out of ten men who try Camel… prefer women.

“The only reason so many people attended his funeral was they wanted to make sure he was dead.”

By Velu

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